Lost in Translation 473 – Defusing Bombs – Hudson Hawk (1991)

Bruce Willis had a strong start to his acting career. A guest role on Miami Vice in 1984 was followed by a leading role alongside Cybill Shephard in Moonlighting. From there, Willis starred in two Die Hard movies by 1990. Willis established himself as a wisecracking action hero, which made the the 1991 Hudson Hawk a natural. However, the film floundered at the box office. What happened?

Hudson Hawk starred Bruce Willis as the title character, an ex-con former cat burglar pressured into one last job. Co-starring are Danny Aiello as Hawk’s former partner, Tommy “Five-Tone” Messina; Andie MacDowell as Anna Baragli, Hawk’s love interest; Frank Stallone and Carmine Zozzora as the Mario Brothers, Cesar and Anthony; Richard E. Grant and Sandra Bernhard as siblings Darwin and Minerva Mayflower; Frank Welker as the voice of Minerva’s dog, Bunny; Donald Burton as the Mayflowers’ butler, Alfred; James Coburn as George Kaplan; Lorraine Toussaint as “Almond Joy”; Don Harvey as “Snickers”; Andrew Bryniarski as “Butterfinger”; David Caruso as “Kit Kat”; and William Conrad as the Narrator. The story was worked out by Willis and Robert Kraft when Willis worked as a bartender while trying to break into acting.

The film opens in Italy at Leonardo da Vinci’s castle where he is at work trying to devise a philosopher’s stone, a device to change lead into gold. When the device works, da Vinci realizes the potential for disaster it represents and breaks the device down into its components.

Five hundred years later, Hudson Hawk is leaving the Sing Sing Correctional Facility in Ossining, NY. His parole officer, Gates (Burtt Harris), is there before Hawk can even leave the building with an offer – one job, and Gates disappears, no check-ins, no parole officer breathing down Hawk’s neck looking for a reason to send him back to prison. Hawk, however, is looking forward to going straight. He gives Gates the slip in the prison and walks out a free man.

Five-Tone drives up just as Hawk takes his first deep breath of air outside. As they drive back to New York, Tommy gives Hawk his first cappucino since going to prison. Said cappucino is lost almost immediately when Hawk mentions Gates’ “offer”. At the restaurant Hawk and Tommy co-own, Hawk gets a second cup of cappucino, only to have it shot by Cesar Mario. The Marios have a proposition, a heist to steal da Vinci’s sculpture of a horse. Hawk, again, turns down the offer.

That night, curious about why he’s being pressured to steal after serving time, Hawk with Tommy breaks into the auction house holding the horse sculpture. The heist is perfectly timed. The partners slip by the guards without a hint of being noticed. The only drawback is the looping video and a guard who pays attention at the wrong time. Still, Hawk and Tommy escape with da Vinci’s sculpture.

The next day, the papers report a failed attempted robbery at the auction house. Despite having the horse sculpture, Hawk heads to the auction to find out what’s going on. When the statue is brought out for sale, a representiative of the Vatican, Anna Baragli, verifies that it is da Vinci’s work. The bidding is impressive, beginning at eight figures. When the Mayflowers arrive, they outbid everyone, going with $100 million. The pair leave before the gavel can come down; they arranged for the gavel to explode. In the chaos, Hawk helps Anna get out of the auction house and schedules a coffee date with her to get to know her better.

After leaving Anna, Hawk is caught by the Marios. Hawk is taken to the Marios’ apartment, where Gates is waiting. The only reason Gates and the Marios haven’t left is that they’re waiting for their benefactor. Alfred enters the apartment with dramatic timing, examines the sculpture, then destroys it. Inside is a multi-sided metal item. Gates tries to protest about the destruction of the statue only for Alfred to kill him. Alfred leaves Hawk to the Marios.

The Marios whisk Hawk away in an ambulance. With effort, Hawk escapes on the stretcher out the back. Traffic is heavy on the bridge, allowing Hawk to get ahead of the ambulance and through a toll gate. The heavy treaffic causes the ambulance to crash. The stretcher eventually rolls to a stop in front of George Caplan. Caplan introduces himself and his CIA team, the “Candy Bars” – Almond Joy, Snickers, Butterfinger, and Kit Kat – and makes an offer Hawk isn’t allowed to refuse.

In Italy, the next piece of the puzzle is da Vinci’s own notebook, kept under guard at the Vatican. Hawk does a quick case of the security in place, noting that Anna is leading a tour group in the museum. After the trip to the museum, Hawk gives a list of his needs to Caplan. The heist that night goes off without a hitch and Hawk gets da Vinci’s notebook.

The different factions – the Mayflowers, Caplan’s CIA team, the Vatican – are working with each other as far as they can trust each other. Their shared goal is getting da Vinci’s philosopher’s stone, but for different reasons. The Mayflowers want to devalue the gold market by flooding it with gold made from lead. The CIA wants to hold the device as a threat to destroy a country’s economy. The Vatican is trying to keep the device out of the hands of villains. Naturally, such an alliance cannot hold and the Mayflowers turn on their partners-in-crime once the third part is retrieved.

The day is saved when Hawk palms a critical piece of da Vinci’s philosopher stone. The device breaks down, sending molten lead on the Mayflowers, allowing Hawk to escape with Anna. The happy ending for Hawk includes finally getting his cup of cappucino.

Hudson Hawk was not a box office success, but did better numbers internationally and on home video. The main problem the movie had was in its marketing. Ads for the film billed it as an action movie, building off Willis’ work in Die Hard and Die Hard 2. The audience wasn’t prepared for an action comedy. Willis’ work on Moonlighting served him well, with him delivering patter throughout the film. The range of violence depicted in the movie didn’t help. There were scenes of intense violence that clashed with the overall comedic tone.

The movie is, essentially, a 007 parody. Instead of a suave former Royal Navy officer turned superspy, Hudson Hawk is an American ex-con cat burglar, using finesse. The two characters, Bond and Hawk, are charismatic but in different ways. Other 007 elements appear in Hudson Hawk – the beautiful foil, the overblown villains out for world domination, unexpected help from an allied spy agency, and colourful henchmen. David Caruso’s Kit Kat definitely counts as colourful; never speakign a word but using body language and pre-printed cards to communicate.

A remake of Hudson Hawk should keep the comedic elements and play up the 007 parody. Play up the farce. Make it over the top while still having Hudson Hawk and Tommy down to earth. While Hawk doesn’t use fancy gadgets, Caplan and the Candy Bars do, as do the Mayflowers. Hawk doesn’t even use a watch when timing his heists, relying on songs to get him through the job. That core concept, the idea of partners who have worked together for so long that they can choose a song, start singing, and wind up at the right place at the right time, is a good one, enough to build a movie around. The key is to keep the violence at the levels of a typical 007 film, though not License to Kill-levels. Granted, Hudson Hawk was rated R, giving the cast and crew a looser hand in what could be shown on screen.

Hudson Hawk is not a bad movie. It may have some tone issues, but the film’s greatest failure came from its marketing. Audiences were expecting Die Hard Bruce Willis, not Moonlighting and “The Return of Bruno* Brue Willis. Viewed as an action comedy and a 007 parody, the movie pays off.